Monday, February 13, 2006

How not to win the Olympics...

Day 1 (Feb 10)

2:00pm - The better part of the knitting community casts on because they either worked their schedules or scheduled not to work. I work like a maniac and be bitter about work interfering with knitting. Wonder if I will ever get lunch.

3:00pm - Inhale lunch while answering emails. Be bitter about work again and not casting on.

8:00pm - Have too many drinks at bar to feel better about work. Go to friends house to watch a movie (and drink more) in lieu of casting on. Think "I've got plenty of time, right? It's only a tank top." Feel a small amount of remorse at not a) watching the opening ceremonies and b) not casting on.

10:30pm - Drag dead tired butt home, change clothes, fall into bed. Wonder why the hell I decided to schedule my car for maintenance at 8 am on a Saturday. Feel slightly annoyed that I failed to cast on on day 1.

Day 2 (Feb 11)

7:30am - Be extremely annoyed that I scheduled maintenance at 8am. Take pills for allergies. Take pills for hangover. Take tums for stomach upset that's sure to follow pills. Take car to shop. Go to breakfast. Feel better. Go home. Avoid casting on due to sleep deprivation. Resolve to take a nap after picking up car and then cast on.

9:00am - Go back to shop to pick up car.

10:00am - Decide that I'm not tired enough to take a nap right away. Play video games instead.

11:30am - Decide that now I am tired enough and pass out.

1:30pm - Finally get sorry butt out of bed with new found clarity and energy to cast on. Gather yarn and book. Wonder where needles are. Begin searching.

1:45pm - Begin really searching. Visually scanning all flat surfaces has failed to bring needles to light.

1:55pm - Start to get really annoyed at lack of organization and amount of stray, yet empty, bags from yarn store that are carelessly strewn around room formerly used as office, but is now clearly the room where empty boxes and bags go to die.

2:00pm - Begin tearing the rest of the house apart. Dig through stash to find yarn that was purchased on the same day as the needles. Find yarn. Question whether needles were ever purchased to begin with. Check banking account. Confirm that money given to yarn store is too much to just be for that Cascade. Wonder if the cat has taken the needles in an attempt to make a statement about bitterness due to knitting induced lack of lap time.

2:15pm - Become extremely upset and frantic. Go back to former office. Tear through knitting bag for the umpteenth time. Dig through stacks of papers, books, boxes, bags, and other mess.....again. Begin random outbursts involving unlady like phrases.

2:17pm - Consider going to LYS to buy another pair. Resolve that the needles (or cat) will not win this battle of wits. Dive into mess again.

2:30pm - Almost admit defeat. Stare blankly at pile of boxes and bags that I've been through twenty times now. Decide that in lieu of finding needles, I should clean up the mess I've made of the mess. Go through yarn store bags again before throwing them out.

2:31 - Find needles in "empty" bags. Do large dance of joy involving yelling and hopping. Stick tongue out at cat. Raise arms in triumph. Resolve to never throw out "empty" bags.

2:32pm - Examine mess made by attempt to find needles. Get discouraged. Resolve to clean it up at a later date. Quickly leave room and close door.

3:00pm - Settle down with knitting to watch a movie and cast on over 200 stitches.

3:30pm - Count stitches over and over and over to ensure the right number are there. Ponder how someone could pass college Calculus but be unable to count to 200 without issues. Doubt self again. Count some more.

3:45pm - Resolve that all the stitches are there. Attempt to join in the round, but freak out that there must be a twist somewhere. Obsessively check for twist several times. Check again. Finally join. Knit one round. Realize that it would have been brighter to start with a full skein instead of the one that I swatched with. Curse under breath.

4:11pm - Be annoyed that it took so long to knit one round. Wonder why I failed to cast on earlier. Attempt to figure out how long this knit will take at this pace. Start getting into double digits. Freak out and stop counting.

4:17pm - Begin working lace. Look at pattern over and over and over. Wonder why it's taking so long to memorize.

5:00pm - Finish knitting the round between lace rounds and begin second round of lace. Get to halfway mark and realize that the number of stitches is wrong. Go back, count again. Realize that one yarn over was missed all the way at the beginning of the initial round. Consider tinking back. Resolve to rip it out.

5:05pm - Put partly used skein away and get new skein of yarn and a drink. Consider putting alcohol in drink. Consider inability to do lace sober. Resolve to drink alcohol straight, after finishing lace.

5:20 - Cast on a billion stitches again. Go through same questionably sane series of checking and rechecking number of stitches and lack of twisting. Join. Knit one round. Get to end of round and realize that my join was wrong and that it's coming apart. Also that I may or may not have one extra stitch. K2tog to get the right number of stitches. Continue to doubt self about a twist in the round. Start lace.

8:00pm - Finally get through one repeat only after realizing that I'm short two stitches and have to tink back a half a round of lace and full round of knit. Be pissed off at inability to concentrate with no distractions except wandering mind. Consider Riddlin. Consider Vodka. Resolve to decide after lace.

10:00pm - Give up because hands hurt due to crappy inflexible yarn.

10:01pm - Consider how screwed I am.

10:02pm - Head to kitchen to find Vodka.

Day 3 (Feb 12)

All day - Knit round of lace then round of knits. Attempt to knit another round of lace, only to realize there's a mistake, tink back, fix problem, knit lace, knit, knit lace, tink back, scream, curse, knit lace, take break, be annoyed, play video games.

Day 4 (Feb 13)

8:00am - Go to work. Be annoyed that enormous snow storm managed to dump the most snow on the town that I work in and still they did not cancel. Be bitter that it couldn't snow during the week.

2:00pm - Finally able to take lunch. Knit round. Take deep breath. Knit lace. Manage to get through one full lace round without screwing up. Go back to check number of stitches. Do little dance of joy in cubicle.

2:45pm - Hope no one saw dance of joy.

2 minutes ago - Blog about stupidity so the world can see that even someone with the attention span of a goldfish can knit. Just not well. Or quickly. Or make much progress.

Now - Resolve not to think about how bad process has been so far. Get distracted by shiny object. Try to remember what I was thinking about. Plan to post picture tomorrow when there's enough knitting to actually show something.


  • Here's another one of my *helpful* little hints..

    When you're casting on a large # of stitches, place a marker after each 20 cast on so you can tell at a glance what your stitch count is without having to count over and over!

    hope this helps!

    Can't wait to see your Olympic thriumph!! :)

    By Blogger Debi, at 5:57 AM  

  • Very funny! Hope it gets better!

    By Blogger traveling knitter, at 11:48 AM  

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