Tiny knitting

As I sat knitting the beginnings of this little hat last night my mind was wandering. I had been to the Preemie Project website to try and find some hat and sock patterns to make for the these wee babies fighting for their lives. I saw many things on their website and my heart went out to the babies, but what I couldn't stop thinking about is what if I had a preemie? I couldn't imagine the fear and worry that a mother must feel at having her baby so early. I felt such sadness at the thought of having to leave my baby at the hospital for weeks on end, wondering if he or she would make it. I got a lump in my throat at the sight of patterns for burial gowns - at the thought of ever needing to have one. While I know that there is a need for such a thing, I simply could not knit one. If I did, you could block it with the tears that I would weep with every stitch.
And then I thought, what if? What would I do? Where would I turn with the worry and the fear? Surely to my husband, to my mother, to my family and friends, but what if these people weren't so near by? What if we had moved away from family and friends? What if my husband was away? What if I didn't know if he was ever coming home?
I thought of all these things because I know first and second hand of some of these feelings. I know of and have lived the military life. I am an Army brat and grandaughter, a Navy neice twice over, and Marine Corps girlfriend. I know about what a woman goes through when she loves someone in the military. I have seen women raising their children wondering if their husbands are ever coming home. I have seen the strength and the courage that military wives and girlfriends display that they didn't even know they were capable of - raising families, maintaining the home, keeping the faith. They work through the fear and the loneliness, they support one another, they live on phone calls and letters and the hope that everything will be okay. Many of them have moved across the country, or across the world, so that they can be with their loved ones while they serve. They have left behind home and friends and family, and it is these women that I thought of while I knit. I thought of the guts and bravery that these women have to show just to get themselves through, let alone to have your child while your husband was so far away. My heart went out to all the women who had little ones who were fighting to survive while their husbands were fighting for their freedom. And that is what made my decision for me about where my wee hats and socks and whatnot should go. My plan is donate all that knitting to the NICU ward of the military hospitals so that these women and children know that eventhough their families and friends are far away, someone is there to support them in their time of need.